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Sunday, August 17th, 2003
9:16 pm


I am making my journal friends-only.

So if you have something to say to me, say it to my face! And quit blasting me with your chickenshit anonymity on.

That is all.

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Saturday, August 16th, 2003
1:04 pm

Well, things are more or less back to normal.
The initial shock is just about gone.
So with that in mind, I'm going to try this again. To put things to rest.

I'm leaving for college. I'm going to have a good time. But I want to wish the same for everybody else here. I probably won't be around as much as before, obviously.

I'll be the one to confess. I am a selfish person by nature. I have been for many unhappy years. It's been a never-ending battle between my established anti-social egocentricity, and my true passion for selflessness. I know that I sometimes come off as unreasonably optimistic. But it's the best course of action I can think of, considering all the worse alternatives I could be deciding on.

Here's the real deal. On this earth, there are millions upon millions of people who feel like they don't have a purpose in life. They turn to many things to fill that void: drugs, sex, alcohol, religion, philanthropy, politics...the possibilities are endless.

There was a time when I wanted to change the world. That's been realistically reduced over time, obviously. Now I just want to make a difference with one person at a time.
So my purpose in life, my justification for living, the one task that I am being called to do before I grow old and die, is to help people.
How and when to help people, is something I've been trying to understand over the years. I'm aware of my limits. I'm aware that people will distance themselves from you if you over-extend yourself to them. And then there are people who prefer to live with pain, in their own ways, and don't want people intruding in their lives. Stuff like that.

So in closing, I'm a human being who never stops learning. People who have criticized me in the past are simply wasting their time, because I'm still focusing on improvement. You can judge me as you will. But don't be so shallow as to think that your judgement should ever matter to anyone in the grand scheme of things. There's a bigger world out there, and the only way you can see it is if you stand on the shoulders of giants.

And so with that, I am done. I love my friends, no matter what. I'll always be around.

current mood: contemplative

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Friday, August 15th, 2003
11:28 am - I'm "naive and falsely optimistic"?! WHAT THE FUCK!?

So, you're trying to make a point? That I'm stupid because I write positive messages out to people?! Is that it?

I don't deserve this crap being shoved in my face! I don't even care WHO wrote that awful message in my journal. I'm not going to be provoked.

But I have feelings, too. I never intended to offend anyone with my "NAIVITY" and "FALSE OPTIMISM". If I wanted to hurt somebody, they would know it! I came on here for one moment, with something nice to say to everybody before I leave for college. And now some asshole decides it would be cute to shit in my journal. Where's the justice in that?

As for the culprit:
Does it make you feel good to pick on a sensitive, positive person? Do you feel smarter now, by bringing me down with big cynical words? WELL?!

Are you sorry that you did it? Even in the least? Do you even HAVE a guilty conscience? Or are all cynics supposed to make people feel bad for being happy, because they choose not to be themselves?

Well regardless, you won't have me to kick around anymore. I'm going to college. Away from people who take pleasure in hurting me.

So fuck off.

current mood: infuriated

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Monday, August 11th, 2003
3:36 pm

This isn't really an outburst of anger or anything.
I'm being very unorthodox about what I'm writing here, for the sake of getting the word out to everybody not 'currently' connected to my journal (and you know who you are).

ANYWAY...I just want to announce to everybody that I'm going off to college in less than 12 days (not surprising, a few other people are too, so that's really awesome). I'll still update my journal, especially with my story.
Wanna read it? Then put me on your super-special friend's list, you silly kids! :-P

I don't know where I stand with the Muggle Michigan Manifesto here, seeing as I rarely get a casual 'hi' from anybody. Hope I haven't made a total nuisance of myself...heh heh! But honestly, I'm not that concerned about what people think. When I get to college, I'll be transformed into a super-friend, and get to meet many other super-friends like me. I'll blow y'all outta the water with my awesome super social powers! ROCKIN'!!

Yeah, yeah...sure, sure! I'll come and visit 'Les Oaks De Royale' again one day. Depends on the reception. And the amount of snow I get to swim in (Mmmmmm...snowww!).

So that's it. I pretty much broke all the rules of this community by not getting pissed off at life.
Well T-O-O B-A-D! Cynicism is overrated anyway! I laugh at pain! LAUGH, I SAY! MMMWAAAAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!!!!


current mood: silly

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Saturday, June 14th, 2003
11:40 pm

fuck boys!!
man alive!

i'm sorry if i'm some sort of whore or something but i cannot control the fact that i'm fucked up in some sort of way that makes me not like guys for very long.

i'm a firm believer that jeff seriously messed with me. he didnt want commitment and i did, and now its like every guy i come across wants something more than i do. what happened to me!!


oh well. night.

current mood: frustrated

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Wednesday, November 27th, 2002
11:14 pm - Pre-Thanksgiving Gripes

I don't particularly like Thanksgiving too much. It's just an orgy of eating food, meant to make us feel less guilty for not feeding people in African and Asian countries. Americans celebrate this holiday, forgetting that all those friendly- looking Indians eating with the pilgrims would soon be slaughtered wholesale, wiped out with European diseases, and forced to leave their homes. And how fucking humble have we become after September 11th, huh?!? We're still buying shit we don't need, throwing away food we don't eat, bitching about problems we don't deserve to bitch about. We've all become big fat babies! We cried to mommy when terrorism struck us hard, and she made them go away. Now we're back to square one, sucking on our thumbs and sleeping in our comfortable little cribs. Bah! We are a nation of sloths and gluttons, aren't we? What thanks do we have to give anymore? Well, anyway, if I offended anyone today, keep in mind that it is too late at night for me to be thinking. And besides, my life is shitty enough right now to gripe about anything...I hope I didn't make anybody cry :(


...okay, I feel better now. I feel like an American again. Actually, I'm sure this nation will last a few hundred years before the barbarians get us. I say let's take full advantage of it now while we still got freedom.

phew Im done! Happy Thanksgiving tomorrow, everybody!

current mood: cynical

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Monday, November 25th, 2002
6:44 pm

boys are fucking stupid.


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Friday, November 8th, 2002
12:47 pm

wow its pissing me off a lot.
all the preferences are completely fucked so all the fonts suck and I cant choose them because the selection isnt there.

you know I wanted to go to the gym today, but I just cant find the motivation. Im just going to be out of shape, I have no one to impress, not even myself.

no. No Coco we're doing this.
But right now Im too upset to spend $8 to go to the gym. maybe I'll just starve myself.
no im going to eat like a rabbit

lettuce here I come.

current mood: angry

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9:46 am

so, that book my dad wants me to read is all about dogma.

I knew it, I fucking knew it.

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Sunday, November 3rd, 2002
7:23 am


angry enough?

that was just a test, more to come, I promise

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Wednesday, October 30th, 2002
7:27 am

man.. this community sucks.

i really hate it.

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Tuesday, October 29th, 2002
11:30 pm - welcome

here's an example of what you can find here in this community.


'Communities suck. I hate them. they make me want to vomit out of my ass.'

ok, now you try!

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